Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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