everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
