On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
