I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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