Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
