Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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