did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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