im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
