I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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