you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it hurts more in the daytime
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
