Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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