Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
