Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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