My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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