I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
