The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
