haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
