...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
