Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
