She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
