he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
