I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if only i could text you this smell
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
