that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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