Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
