I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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