if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
