She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
