laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
