Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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