So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
