i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
