he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
