I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
