Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
