hotel room ftw
I bet he comes in French.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
