I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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