I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
