so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
