I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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