Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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