I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
