I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
