you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
