i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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