oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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