Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
