So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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