you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
