You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
