I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
