Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
