i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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