I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
