Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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