my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
