I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
