Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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