Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
