The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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