I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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