I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
