the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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