I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize