Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
