Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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