Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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