its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
