Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
