I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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