i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
