Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
